Canadian & Saskatchewan Jokes

Saskatchewan Salesman

A young farm boy from   Saskatchewan  moved to   Vancouver Island
and went to a huge everything under one roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, Do you have any sales experience?
The kid says , Yeah. I was a salesman back in  Saskatchewan .

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
‘You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.’

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

‘How many customers bought something from you today?’
The kid says ‘one’.
The boss says, ‘Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 customers a day.
How much was the sale for?’
The kid says, ‘$101,237.65.

The boss says, ‘$101,237.65!  What the heck did you sell?’

The kid says, ‘First, I sold him a small fishhook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn’t  think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Ford Expedition.

The boss said, ‘You mean to tell me that a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?’

The Saskatchewan farm boy said, ‘No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said,
Dude, your weekend’s shot — you should go fishing!
————————————————-
TOURISM QUESTIONS
Believe it or not these questions were posted on an International Tourism Website.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto – can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto ,Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: What? did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North…oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Halfwit Saskatchewan Farmer

A man owned a small farm in Delisle. The Canadian Internal Revenue determined he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent an investigator out to interview him.

I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them!”, demanded the investigator.

“Well,” replied the farmer, “there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and  board.

“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.”

“Then there’s the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 a week. He pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife  occasionally.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to …the halfwit!” said the agent..

“That would be me,” replied the farmer.

Share this: