And then the fight started..

A husband bought his mother-in-law a cemetery plot  as a Christmas gift..
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the
gift I bought you last year!”
And then the fight started…..

I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.
So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’
And then the fight started….

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’
So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’
And then the fight started….

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better than the cold cream.
And then the fight started……
 
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first..
‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And then the fight started…..

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion.
She kept staring at a drunken man, sitting alone, swigging his
I asked her , ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘ He’s my old boyfriend…
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and he hasn’t been sober since.’
My God! I said, ‘who would think a person could celebrate that long?’
And then the fight started..
 
I rear-ended a car this morning..
We were alongside the road and the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes little things just seem funny?
Well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And then the fight started..

Recently our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run.
My wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
Somehow there was always something more important to take care of
The truck, the car, playing golf, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
I arrived home one day, to find her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’
And then the fight started..

 After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten disability too.’
And then the fight started…

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a compliment.’
 I replied,
“Your eyesight’s darn near perfect.”
And then the fight started……..

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