Men, Women, Sex & Marriage

As long as there are Men and Women, there will be Sex, Marriage and Divorce (not necessarily in that order)  There is no way to separate them into separate groupings in life, so why should the humour be any different.   So, I have lumped them together.  Most of these have some sort of overlap anyway, so lighten up, and don’t take offence as none is intended.

The 10 Commandments of Marriage

1. All marriages are made in Heaven. But, so are thunder and lightning.
2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
3. Marriage is grand – and divorce is at least 100 grand.
4. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, both speak and the neighbours listen.
5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure that either the car is new or the wife is.
6. Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
7. Before marriage, a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you have said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, thrifty and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
9. Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he’s finished.

MARRIAGE IS LIKE A DECK OF CARDS

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end, you’ll wish you had a club and a spade.

THE LONELY BRAIN CELL

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man’s head.
She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.
“Hello?” she cried, but no answer.
“Is there anyone here?” she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,

“HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?”

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away…………..

“We’re down here .”

( I didn’t create this stuff, I’m just sharing it, enjoy the rest. )

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