Retirement Questions

Question: How many days in a week?

Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.

Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?

Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: With many retirees what is considered formal

attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?

Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answer: The never-ending Coffee Break.

Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?

Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite….

QUESTION: What do you do all week?

Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING…..

Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

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SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up tothe  very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband?’

’98,’ she replied. ‘Two years older than me’.

‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.

She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked.

She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

THE SENILITY PRAYER:

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do

and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Always Remember This:

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing.

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